This year has so far not been very normal. I have been planning so many things. Our wedding, relaunching our website at work, my first ever trip to the US etc. Now when all those things are over, I find myself feeling really stressed over day to day life, like what happens next. I’d like to be able to just settle in to living the normal life and get up go to work and get on with things, but I guess in my head things are still needing to be planned. Next big project will be to do the kitchen, which will probably be a pain, but I am really looking forward to it too. I also really would like to finally take a drivers licence. I am turning 31 this year and I have never driven a car. It scares me to death now, but I guess I just have to get on with it.
I my mind I have set September to the starting point of starting these next projects. During august I will try and relax, maybe try and go away for a weekend somewhere with Steve. We have been thing of of maybe Ireland or Belgium or Germany. Me and Susie are going away next weekend to Helsinki and that I am looking forward to lot too.
I need to get better at relaxing. I am constantly thinking of what to do next. I tried doing yoga a few times as it was supposed to make you relaxed. But it just stressed the hell out of me. Same movements over and over. No when it comes to stress busting I prefer a hard work out at the gym. Plus I could never get the breathing right.
In all honesty I know what is stressing me so much and it is a long story, but it more or less has to do with the fact I should be starting to take disease modifying drugs. But it is never so easy to just start taking them. I guess I haven’t been wanting to think about it at all. But this year I have been more or less forced to thinking and talking about it. But it scares me, and the idea of injecting myself several times a week is nothing I look forward too. But it will have to happen, one day. I do think it is the right way to go. I just need to sort out when.
On a day like this when I am feeling a lot of pins and needles in my right side, I think about the whole thing more than I do normally. I really don’t want to think about MS all the time, frankly it is boring. And just because I have MS, it shouldn’t have me (cheesy saying I know ). I guess it is due to the antibiotics and feeling worn down that I am feeling tingly and funny, as I haven’t felt a lot of this at all this year, so it gets me down a bit. I know I just need to ride it out and get on with life. It just feels unfair and stupid at times. Oh no this is turning into a boo-hoo poor me post. I don’t really mean it like that either. Just reflecting a bit that is all.
What I really should go is to go outside an de-weed the garden it is starting to look wild in both the front and back garden. Then I got some work to do for a friend. And then…I should try another hand at that relaxing thing …as I write this Steve is still sleeping, it is 11.01 am…I should really take a leaf out of my husbands book!